Whether fellatio or cunnilingus, oral sex is about pleasure. According to research from over 33 studies, Professor of Biology Elizabeth A. Lloyd noted that only a quarter of women regularly have orgasms from vaginal intercourse. This is not to say that orgasms are the only kind of pleasure a women should enjoy. The truth is still that the majority of women prefer a variety of stimulations that directly involve the clitoris, including oral sex. And despite popular belief, more and more studies are showing that men, especially older men, are giving oral sex as much as they receive it.
But oral sex is about more than just pleasure. It’s also about trust and respect. If you’re performing oral sex or allowing someone to perform oral sex on you, you’ve established some sort of bond with them. Fleeting or lasting? Well, that’s up to the two of you. While everyone’s bodies are different, there are some general rules that all of us should follow.
1. Don’t think you have to be an expert to give good oral sex.
Having sex is a natural thing. It doesn’t require any special powers. The less pressure you put on yourself to perform, the more comfortable you will feel pleasuring your partner. Confidence isn’t always about knowing the techniques, it’s about letting go of those outside pressures. Relax. You will do just fine.
2. Never pressure your partner into having oral sex.
With movies like Fifty Shades of Grey, dominance/submission relationships seem to be trending, but you should never assume what’s okay and what’s not okay with your parter.
3. How do you know what’s okay? Talk about it.
You might think that’ll ruin the moment by talking about it beforehand, but it’ll save you the pain of losing someone’s trust and interest later on. Depending on the nature of your relationship, it can be as casual or in-depth as you’d like, just as long as the two of you communicate what you’re open to.
4. Keep your hands and mouth clean.
You will be in contact with someone else’s private parts. Make sure you’ve washed your mouth and hands thoroughly.
5. Keep it tidy down there.
You don’t have to get a Brazilian wax, but make sure the area is somewhat manageable. Also make sure to wash your genitals. Male bodied folks should stick to mild body soaps and washes. Health experts recommend those with female bodies to use only water and their hand, because the vulva is easily irritated by soaps and other beauty products.
6. Use some form of protection.
If you’re having oral sex, you’re still susceptible to infections. Use condoms or a dam, available at your local clinic.
7. Don’t rush into it. Ease your way into the moment.
If either of you are short on time, don’t try to squeeze in oral sex or any kind of sex for that matter. It’s much more enjoyable when both parties can relax and fully enjoy one another.
8. Practice equality.
Be fair. If your partner is interested in receiving oral sex, don’t just leave them hanging after you’ve gone. If you’re too exhausted at this point, maybe you should consider going second.
9. Make sure your partner feels comfortable before, during, and after.
It doesn’t matter if you’re in a car, on a bed, or somewhere else. Make sure both you and your partner are in comfortable positions. You never know how long you’ll be in that position.
10. When it comes to technique, there are some tips you can follow.
When performing on a male, you can place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth. It gives him the illusion that you are taking him all the way in. Another thing that can really turn him on, according to Matt Togni in his article ‘A Gay Man’s Guide to Giving Good Oral’, is licking the length of his groin from the bottom to the tip.
In general, if your partner tells you they’re about to orgasm, unless they specifically request it, don’t feel pressured to go faster or harder. Just keep doing what you’re doing to avoid strain and burnout. These are just a few tips, but you can definitely find more that work for you.
11. Make use of your whole mouth.
You’re well equipped, so why not take advantage of it? Don’t just use you the tip of your tongue, use your lips and mouth. This’ll also give you a chance to give some parts a break.
12. With that said, be careful not to hurt one another.
Some people like to perform oral sex in a hungry fashion. They just go at it and there’s nothing wrong with that. That is, unless you’re actually hurting your partner. If performing on a male, stimulate, don’t squeeze. Avoid using your teeth. Place your lips over your teeth when performing fellatio to avoid any horrific accidents. Don’t bite. These are sensitive parts.
13. Worried about how you taste?
Some people avoid oral altogether because they’re worried about how they smell and taste. While you can consume fruits like pineapples to give your fluids a sweeter taste, you should know that your body is fine the way it is. Your best bet, however, is getting used to your own anatomy. You can do this by sleeping naked, exploring your body, or looking at the area with a pocket mirror. If you’re worried that there is something wrong, visit a clinic.
14. Use pillows for added support.
Pillows are great. If your partner is kneeling, place one on the floor. If they’re receiving, place one below the bum to raise their hips.
15. If you’re feeling adventurous, practice multitasking.
While some lovers prefer the traditional route, others like to incorporate a variety of other things, anything from hands (stimulating, slapping, etc.) to a vibrator. Make sure you receive your partner’s permission before throwing anything new into the mix.
16. Don’t do this.
This is something that some folks might do after watching it in a film or porno, but it’s a huge turn off and perhaps the cockiest thing you could do while receiving oral.
17. Understand how to make your partner feel sexy.
There are some things you can do to let your partner know you’re enjoying it when giving or receiving. You can moan or talk dirty (pay attention or ask what turns them on, because some people are turned off by too much talking).
Also, embarrassing things can happen during oral sex but don’t blatantly point them out or laugh. It’ll only make your partner feel unsexy and they’re probably already embarrassed as is.
18. Agree on what happens afterwards.
Don’t assume you can just make a pearl necklace, have them swallow, or give them a facial without their permission. Ask where it’s okay to ejaculate. Whatever you decide on, make sure that you clean up (plain water is fine, avoid anything that can cause small cuts in the mouth and allow infection to pass through) and use the restroom as necessary.
19. Show your partner some respect when it’s all over.
It doesn’t matter if you’re transitioning into another sex act or heading to bed, find a way to show that you appreciate your partner for the intimate moment you shared, even if it was just for the night.